10 Things You Lose When You Commit In A Relationship... Really ?

I just read an article written on AskMen.com by a women who describes 10 things men (supposedly) lose when they enter a relationship. I felt obliged to post a rebuttal and send it to her via email.

10 - One of my male friends recently got into a verbal tussle with his girlfriend over how often he texts his female friends. There’s no doubt that changes and issues do occur in your friendships when you get a girlfriend -- especially female friendships. You won’t be able to spend as much time with or text the girls like you used to, because those friendships tend to get nudged down a few rungs of the ladder. Why? Your girlfriend is in the No. 1 spot now. Any other women have to understand that she gets most of you, and they have to be satisfied with the leftovers.

Answer: The whole point of a girlfriend is to place her in the #1 spot. That's a choice.

09 - Free time you’d enjoy by kicking back and cracking open a beer used to be completely yours, but now that you’re in a serious relationship, it’s highly likely that quality time with your significant other will be squeezing into the time you'd been meaning to set aside for yourself. After all, with both of you working during the week, there’s not much chance to spend time together. That’s why the prestigious weekend is often filled with relationship quality time.

Answer: Men who want a girlfriend tend to do so with the idea of spending time with her, yes it means less (not lost) time for other things but again that's a choice that should be happily made, so it's not a loss.

08 - Flirting is the first thing to die when it comes to casual fun and relationships. In fact, those two concepts often get along as badly as Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield in a boxing ring. When you’re in a serious relationship, there are boundaries for interaction with other women. Flirting has to be contained, otherwise it could explode into something inappropriate. As for casual fun with your partner, a full-fledged, committed relationship calls to mind things like responsibilities, obligations and routine. It’s very easy to lose the easygoing fun in the process.

Answer: If you lose casual fun in a relationship then you're in the wrong relationship, it's one of the best parts! As far as boundaries with others, it's a choice one should happily make out of respect for their partner.

07 - You used to be able to do whatever you pleased. If that included excessive smoking, drinking and staying out till dawn, there was nobody you had to answer to. But now when you stumble back home after a raucous night with the boys, you’re likely to find your girlfriend standing at the door with “Where the hell were you?” kinds of questions. If you’re committed to your girlfriend, you have to realize that you can’t be partying excessively the way you would when you were single. It might sound hectic, but being in a serious setup means you have to account for your actions -- because if she was getting home at 3 a.m. totally wasted, you'd start asking yourself the same questions. So if you want wild time with the boys, you’ll probably have to run it past her and schedule it in

Answer: Fun with other friends works if planned ahead and not made a priority over her (it goes both ways). The writer ends up giving the solution, communication!

06 - When things were less serious with your woman, it was much easier to find the exits than it is now. If things went pear-shaped fast, you could evacuate the building without much fuss because you weren’t too tied to each other yet. But now with all the emotional bindings, it makes clean breakups a bit more difficult. 

Answer: If you're not in a relationship you don't have an exit in the first place. There is no in between.

05 - Often relationships don’t end only with emotional ties; they can also incorporate financial ones. It’s common to lapse into a “What’s mine is yours, what’s yours is mine” line of thinking when you’re in a serious affair. Basically, if you’re committed, then you share each other’s financial situations. Considering men still out-earn women, a good portion of your hard-earned cash is likely to head in your girlfriend’s direction. 

Answer: If she means some of my money heading in her direction in the sense of "spoiling" her, then yes she's right but in my case I enjoy doing it so it's a gain for me (as long as she appreciates it).
If she takes it for granted and the man sticks around then he's an idiot.

04 - They say a man is as faithful as his options. It’s not necessarily true that you’ll stay loyal to your girlfriend only until you meet someone better, but let’s be honest: It’s a boost to the ego to know that you still have pulling power, even if you don’t intend to use it. But with an exclusive relationship, you’re much more limited to this one relationship. Even window-shopping can prove boring. What’s the point of looking when you know it can’t go anywhere?

Answer: Why go anywhere else when you've chosen the best?
As for looking, I don't have a million dollar home (nor do I want one) so I should not look at it?

03 - It’s not selfish to want to safeguard your future plans and have your own dreams. In fact, it’s necessary to have those, even when you’re in a relationship. But once things become more serious with your girl, there is no room for secret gambits; you’ll have to include her in all your ideas for the future.

Answer: No one needs to lose oneself in a relationship, some things both we'll prefer doing on there own. As long as the couple does not suffer from it it's fine, in fact they'll usually gain from it.

02 - Every king needs a castle, but if you bring a queen into the situation, then things can become a tad complicated. Often commitment is closely linked to cohabitation, which can drastically reduce your privacy. Soon you’ll find feminine products in the bathroom cabinets, the arrival of kitchen utensils that you can’t even name and her votes counting more in castle decisions. Yep, it might feel like she’s making a play for your throne -- but we wager that would happen no matter who you move in with. And living with your girlfriend is probably going to bring certain benefits to the table that a boring old roommate never would. (Can you say back rubs?)

Answer: It also means sexy clothing lying around! As for kitchen stuff... Bring it! It can only mean good food, well worth the extra dishes to be cleaned. As well, a kingdom is better shared.

01 - When you first got together, you and your partner shared interests, values and some hobbies. The similarities thankfully ended there. But now it seems you’re merging identities. Though it can be a good feeling to be in sync with your partner on various levels (but stick to your own closets unless you want to become Brangelina), it can also mean losing your individualism a little bit. Say no to the relationship clones, and don't be afraid to retain your own sense of self -- even if it means that you guys have rules about not sharing the same toothbrush (sensible) or sleeping in separate rooms (maybe less so).

Answer: In a healthy relationship you'll learn more about yourself from your partner than if you were alone.

Final comment:

The whole point of commitment is you prefer the life you will have with her than the life you had without.

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Prenez la résolution d'aimer votre conjoint(e) au quotidien

**The English version follows -scroll down**

Chaque nouvelle années les gens entreprennent des résolutions, une qu'on entend pas souvent (si jamais) c'est celle de dire qu'on prendra plus conscience de son ou sa conjointe. Au début d'une relation les gens démontre leur amour, leur admiration et leur désir sans y penser.

Avec les années il faut prendre le temps d'être conscient qu'il faut démontrer sont amour. Les gens prennent pour acquis que l'autre le "sais", ce qui n'est pas le cas, ne rien dire c'est faire ressentir un indifférence totale envers la personne aimée.

Il y a rien de plus simple que prendre un moment chaque jour pour rappeler à cette personne qu'on l'aime, qu'on l'admire et qu'on le ou la désire.

L'amour peut-être démontré par un simple regard profond dans les yeux en lui disant "je t'aime".

L'admiration peut être aussi facile que prendre le temps d'écouter attentivement ce que votre conjoint(e) à vécu comme journée.

Le désir peut venir du contact humain avec une profonde caresse, une simple main sur les fesses :) et sans oublier des compliments verbaux.

Alors je vous invite à prendre la résolution de nourrir votre amour de couple au quotidien. Et la meilleure partie? C'est vraiment PLAISANT à faire!


Felix sit annus novus!

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This year make a resolution to cherish your couple on a daily basis.

Every new year people make resolutions, one we rarely hear (if ever) is the one about being more attentive to our significant other.

At the beginning of a relationship people show their love, admiration and desire on a daily basis without thinking about it. With time this is no longer automatic, we must make a conscious action to demonstrate our affection on a daily basis. People often take it for granted the other "knows", which is not the case, doing nothing makes the other feel indifferent.

Nothing is easier than simply taking a moment everyday to remind the person we cherish all the love, admiration and desire we feel for this person.

Love can be demonstrated by a profound look in their eyes and simply saying "I love you".

Admiration can be shown by simply listening attentively as your partner talks about their day.

Desire can come from human contact by simply holding the other in one's arms for a moment, or a hand on a butt cheek :) and let's not forget verbal compliments.

So I invite you to make it a new years resolution to nourish your relationship on a daily basis. And the best part is? It's FUN to do!

Felix sit annus novus!

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Life should be backwards.

I came upon this yesterday and it remains my favorite skit from Seinfeld, the end is the kicker! ;-)

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What’s that, a bonus?!?! I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you go live in an old age home. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, and you get ready for high school. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities. You become a little baby, you go back, spend your last 9 months floating with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, then you finish off as an orgasm! Amen.”


- George Costanza (Fictional character from the TV series Seinfeld played by Jason Alexander)

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Pro-Life = Pro-Oppression of your freedom.

Yesterday was the pro-life movement's annual rally in Ottawa.

What is the main focus of this rally? To promote that abortion is evil, instill the fear of some fairy tale (god) in you and that they are protecting this life in the belly of the women (never mind the woman's freedom). As well, they state having said to their god they've spiritually adopted the child. I wonder if this spiritual adoption will feed, raise, educate, play, nurture and give this child a home? Of course not, they make a small mental note, move on and the person who does not want this life ends being stuck with all the unwanted responsibilities.

How does being pro-life make a person pro-oppression? Simple, they have no issue imposing their belief on everyone else. Ask these people if they would make abortion illegal and they'll say yes (I've never had one say no). I have asked often and then replied with; "So you have no issue imposing your personal beliefs on others?" 99% of them get all squeamish trying to mumble their way out of this obvious FACT. Because if they support imposing beliefs on others, then there's nothing wrong with what Islamic fundamentalists are trying to do, or that white supremacists would impose slavery on colored people.

If they were against imposing their beliefs on you they would not parade against abortion, they would be pro-choice and would work hard to promote & offer alternatives to women but should a women choose abortion they would respect her decision and not vilify her.

The argument is simple, if you're pro-life, GREAT! Then don't do it yourself (abortion) but don't go imposing this on everyone else.

I would fight for someone's freedom to NOT have to get an abortion, but I would fight just as much for someone to have that right. Wars are fought because of other imposing their beliefs... Pro-choice people tend to forget that.

Pro-life is a personal decision, pro-choice is a public freedom.

Why Astrology can negatively affect your life.

NOTE: I used to believe astrology affected your personality type based on your month of birth. Having an open mind is what got me answers, I hope you read this with an open mind.

This is a topic I've wanted to cover for some time, and over the last weeks I've had 4 people I know mention astrology, it was clear they put some value and faith in this "system".

It motivated me to blog on this subject with the hope to clear things up, especially for the people I care about. Astrology can have negative effects and offers no benefits. If you want to read why first scroll down to: So what's the harm? It's all in fun, right?

The following is a short breakdown of the history, how it supposedly functions, why your horoscope describes you, conclusive evidence it does not and a look at it's possible negative effects.

History:

The first form of astrology was invented by man as far as 5000 years ago and many have been created since that time. The western tradition is the dominant one in Canada.

Some forms are; Agricultural, Arab, Persian, Islamic, Babylonia, Burmes, Celtic, Egyptian, Hellenistic, Judician, Mayan, Medical, Medieval, Meteorological, Tibetan and the list goes on, you can view all of them here; astrological traditions.

How does it influence us?

Astrology operates under a very broad assumption: there is some sort of force from objects in space that influences us here on Earth. There are lots of different attributions for this force (some say gravity, some say electromagnetism, some say a force that cannot be measured), but it all comes down to the planets and stars having an effect on people.

Let's see if there can be any effect from the objects in space, as astrologers claim.

Planets are big balls of ice, rock, metal, and other stuff. Their ability to affect us is weak because they are pretty far away. As far as we can tell through science, there are only four fundamental forces: gravity, electromagnetism, and two forces called the strong and weak force. Those last two only work (more or less) on the nuclei of atoms and subatomic particles. We know the last two cannot affect us from a distance of less than a millimeter!

That leaves gravity and electromagnetism. It can't be gravity because we know closer or bigger objects have more effect on us then farther or smaller objects. This means that the moon has more effect on us than all the other planets in our solar system combined! Even though it is smaller the others are so far their effect is less than the moon. Since planets and stars are what affects us that eliminates gravity as the possible agent.

Could it be electromagnetism? Some planets have no magnetic field, in our solar system Venus has none. We know a magnetic field has little range, in our solar system the Sun's magnetic field is the only one that reaches us and does affect us, it caused the blackout in Québec in 1989. Since astrology states all objects affect us, we know electromagnetism is not the cause.

That leaves some "unknown force or energy or whatever", basically something we have not discovered. Then how can people use it if they don't even know what it is ??? 

Even if they could in some unknown way "feel" this force ask yourself this question, astrology was created with the planets & stars known at that time, since then we've discovered 100s of planets and TRILLIONS of stars. Don't forget the billions of asteroids in our own solar system! How come they don't affect us?

My horoscope describes me!

This is often the primary response form individuals. Yet many studies have shown that this is simply a psychological effect, people WANT to believe in it. This creates a confirmation bias, they'll open a book on their sign and will easily attach to what fits them, all the other stuff in the book will be forgotten. I know I was doing it myself until I read the same books again with a critical mind, I discovered that 25% of the books did have some of my personality, I had totally forgotten the 75% that did not!

Astrologers rely on our inability to remember when they are wrong, and our almost unfailing ability to see patterns in random noise (in other words, to pull out something that may just possibly kind of vaguely resemble something that describes us). 

Also, it's exciting the idea that something mystical is in the "air", that's another reason we apply confirmation bias. I've discovered our known universe is far more exciting !!

Evidence & studies:

Let's assume that despite all the scientific evidence against astrology, there really is an effect on us by the planets. If it exists, it must be measurable, and for astrologers to be able to use it to cast horoscopes, their claims must be consistent. After all, if a force cannot be measured, it cannot have an effect on us, and if astrologers say such a force exists, then all their claims must be based on that force, and should be consistent with each other.  

 

A thorough paper of 100s studies over the course of the 20th century was put together and the conclusion was overwhelming:

- Astrologers do no better than people guessing when giving them a persons astrological chart and placing it with the proper person based solely on their birth (astrology is only supposed to need your birth date).
- Astrologers could not even do better than people who guessed if a person was an introvert or extrovert, even when they knew their date of birth.
- Long term studies of divorced couples has shown no correlation that people who have "compatible" symbols have a lower instance of divorce.
- Long term studies of people born less than 5 minutes apart have shown no hints of similarities between the two.
-  The type of work or lifestyle has no bearing on astrological signs. ex: pisces are supposedly big dreamers and artists, yet they are no more numerous than any other symbol in the field of arts (writing, acting, music, etc...) or less numerous in technological fields.

So what's the harm? It's all in fun, right?

Wrong,

 
First, it's estimated that hundreds of millions of dollars are spent on astrology every year in the United States alone. That's real money, wasted on something that doesn't work. That money could be going towards more important things in one's life; a kids education, books, saving up for a nice vacation, retirement fund, a beautiful play, etc...

Second, astrology promotes the worst thing in the world: to ignore critical thinking. The more we teach people to simply accept anecdotal stories, hearsay, cherry-picked data (picking out what supports your claims but ignoring what doesn't), the harder it gets for people to think clearly. If you cannot think clearly, you cannot function as a human being.

Third, astrology takes away from the real grandeur of the Universe. We live in an amazing place, this Universe of ours, and it's quite fantastic enough without needing people to make up things about it.

Finally, if people make decisions based on a concept shown to have no bearing on who they are, it could influence them in choosing their type of eduction, refuse employment that could have been their dream job and the one thing I see most often, people are judged and categorized by their sign! This influences how they think and feel about this person. Once we label a person it stays in the back of our mind, it's very hard to eliminate this preconception even if we've known the person for years. As well if you believe in astrology you will always look for behavior that fits this person's sign, you might miss out on discovering the real person he or she is...

Resources:

• Phil Plait on Astrology.
• The Skeptic Dictionary's entry on astrology. Highly recommended. 
• Scientist/skeptic/media guy Dr Karl Kruszelnicki briefe take on astrology.
• Articles by James "The Amazing" Randi about astrology.
• The article Is Astrology Relevant to Consciousness and Psi?" by Dean and Kelly.
• The article "The Concepts of Modern Astrology: A Critique" by Ivan Kelly.
• A fun test showing how astrologers cannot agree.