Here you'll find my thoughts on fitness, humanity, nature, nutrition, politics, reason, science and critical thinking.

“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.” -Albert Einstein

Sunday, December 20, 2009

The choice of not having any kids.

I've blogged before that I've lived the perfect childhood, so I don't have any bad experiences that pulled me in the direction of not desiring children, it's been like that since my teen age years.

A good 20 years later I can elaborate why I have remained without the desire to have children.

I want to focus my time and energy on my couple in terms of personal or common interests, needs, goals and dreams. I never felt the interest to take on the job of parenting, nothing about it really appeals to me and since a child is the single biggest responsibility anyone will ever undertake, I was never going to just "try it".

For those that might think of replying "But your heritage?"... All I can say is "REALLY?" People really have kids these days so their lineage can continue? What the hell does it matter if it stops? Who's going to care in a 1000 years? On a universal scale A whole lifetime is nothing but less than HALF a second. I say to these people, enjoy your moment it's likely all there is and it is VERY VERY VERY short.

As for those that say it's selfish, having kids is selfish as well, people want them for the pleasure it will bring them, not because they feel it is a duty they must do. But in their selfishness people will likely nurture and care for this child, but let's be clear they wanted it for THEM, and that's OK.

In short, I want to live my dream of being with a women I love, cherish her deeply, discover the world with her, grow as a person because of her and see life through her eyes. I never felt the need for a child to accomplish that.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thanks Ricky for being so up front and honest.

Those of us who feel the same way as you do are still regularly made to feel as outcasts in a society where you are marginalized if you don't have kids, or even worse yet, have no desire to procreate, continue our lineage or raise any kids of your own. Having kids is a personal decision. Whether you go one way or the other, you deserve the same kind of respect.

However, our society still isn’t there yet. We live in a world of amazing medical and technological achievements, and yet, when we ask to be sterilized because we want to be respectful of our bodies and because we are sure it’s the best decision for us and our partner, we are looked at as though we were aliens and often times our request is rejected by medical experts. I thought we’d earned the right to be free to do what we wanted with our bodies a few decades ago...

One in 10 women in Canada has no desire to have children. 8% of Canadian men have no desire to have children. That's significant, and yet, where the heck are these men and women? Before I met my partner, I was convinced I'd never find a man who wanted to live childfree. I seemed to continuously attract the wrong kind of men and it caused a lot of heartache. I knew in my early teen years that I never wanted kids and I presently feel very isolated because I don't know anyone who thinks or feels like me on this subject (other than you Ricky). More women have to speak up- we're not just baby-making machines just because we have a uterus. We either know if we want to go through the nightmare of pregnancy, childbirth and all the difficult challenges of motherhood or we don’t. You can’t be ambiguous about that.

And we’re NOT freaks of nature if we don’t have a ticking biological clock at 35 or an aching feeling of wanting to have a baby. I really hate it when people have the rudeness to tell me: ''You’ll change your mind, you’ll see.'' That one drives me crazy- How the hell do you know what I want? Please! There are so many more meaningful things you can do in your life than to have kids. Many people have kids to be like everybody else because they don’t have the backbone to be true to themselves and what they really want. Or, they’re just irresponsible with their sexuality and they decide to go through with it. There are a lot of people out there who should not be raising kids... But that's a whole other issue!

You can be really, truly, happy and fulfilled without kids, many times even happier! Multiple studies have shown that childless couples have more satisfying, longer-lasting relationships than couples with children. They don’t have all the stressors that can make a relationship fall apart. Living childfree means you can enjoy sharing quality time with your partner- ALL THE TIME- not just once a month on an ‘arranged’ date, IF you’re that lucky. I don’t want to have to divide my love, time, energy and attention one hundred ways, on one hundred things. It’s way too exhausting and stressful. Kids are really hard on a couple. Many don't make it and if they do, their dynamic is certainly changed forever from what it was before the kids came along.

I love my spontaneous, simple and easy lifestyle. What the heck is wrong with that? It's what I’ve always wanted. No planning required for any little thing that comes up, no babysitter to pay, no going to bed early because the kids will be up early. If people think I’m being selfish, I think they’re just plain jealous.

Being with my man is more than enough for me. I’m happy just the way we have it. My brothers and sisters are all into having families so I’ve got a ton of nieces and nephews to play with. Being an aunt is just perfect for me.